Parents Unite!

Dear Claire,

I was raised in a strict household and was always kept on a very short leash.  My husband came from a more liberal, chaotic household with lots of brothers and sisters.

With our own children, I have always had to be the policeman nagging our kids to clean up their room, do their homework, and take out the trash.  My husband says they can just watch TV and relax.  When I try to discuss it with him, he just laughs it off and tells me I’m too controlling.  I feel I get no support, Claire, and resent my husband.  How can I get him to help me enforce the rules?

Trying to be a Good Mom

Dear Good Mom,

You need to have a talk to your husband, but don’t approach him empty-handed.  Go with a plan in mind.

First of all, understand that you cannot nag your way to victory.  Pick which battles are important and which ones you can let go.  Offering a compromise puts you in a much better negotiating position.

When you are clear on that, plan their time so that their lives (and yours) meet a satisfying balance: how much time for school and homework, how much playtime and how much time for chores.

Then you approach papa bear, without anger, without nagging, but with a very good plan.

Trapped in Rumors

Dear Claire,

I am a 16-year-old high school student on the football and track teams.  I have a crush on “Amy” and last week she and her girlfriend invited me over to her house to watch a movie, and I accepted.

While I was there, her mom kept calling her out to do chores, to clean up this or that.  It was a pretty hectic household.  Anyway, I was left to talk to her friend “Stacy” the whole time and we hit it off really well.  It turned into a slumber party and I got to spend the night on her floor.  By the way, nothing happened.

When I went to school last Monday, there were all these rumors that I was a jerk.  Everybody seemed to “know” that I “slept with Amy.”  Worse, both Amy and Stacy confirm that I just used Amy to get to know Stacy.  The more I try to explain what really happened, the more everybody assumes I’m a liar, and I get myself in deeper.   I didn’t do anything wrong, but don’t know how to get out of it.

Trapped in Canoga Park

Dear Trapped,

As unpleasant as this is, please keep in mind that rumors in high school seldom last longer than a couple of weeks, or until people find something else more amusing to talk about…whatever comes first.

A combination of immature teenage drama queens, irresponsible parents (a boy in a sleepover?  Hellooooo!), and a handful of busybodies is indeed unfortunate but not uncommon.  Chalk it up to experience, stop trying to explain yourself and move on, dude.