Same Old

Dear Claire,

I've dated this guy for over three years.  He is the perfect man for me and things have been going well, but I'm starting to suspect that he might be cheating on me.

Our relationship has started to get "shaky" and I feel as if he doesn't want to spend as much time with me as he used to.  He always says he has to work or hang out with his friends, etc.  Plus, I know he does have a close friend that is a girl, who he used to date before me.

Should I confront him about things or do you think I'm worrying too much?  I don't want him to get offended if I question him and I'm wrong.

Worried Girlfriend

Dear Worried,

Instead of starting the conversation with an accusation, try calmly discussing your intuition that the relationship has changed.

Pay attention to his answers. Does he dismiss your concerns? Does he seem truthful? Does the dude take this opportunity to ‘fess up and break up with you…definitively a bad sign?

All you have is circumstantial evidence, but your gut is screaming something and maybe the heart and the brain just have to catch up.

Teen Tribulations

Dear Claire,

I am a single mother with a teenage daughter who disagrees with everything I tell her.  She thinks she is always right and argues non-stop.  I've tried to be honest with her and explain that I'm just trying to help her, but it doesn't work.

Even worse, she has continually snuck out of the house and is dating an older guy.  I'm worried that I'm beginning to lose control of her as a parent.  I've done the whole grounding routine and it has proved unsuccessful.

Should I increase punishments or just wait for the "teenage phase" to pass.  We used to be very close and I want that bond again.

Helpless Mom

Dear Mom,

You don’t state your daughter’s age, so I am assuming she’s a young teen.

First of all, let’s quit that “Helpless” crap. If you become helpless, what shall become of your daughter? You are the mother, and you are going to take charge of your child.

You are going to track down the older guy she’s seeing and, if he’s over 18 and there’s hanky-panky going on, press charges.

Every time she’s gone out without authorization, get in your car, find her and bring her home. If she doesn’t like it, tough patootie.

You are going to refuse to be baited into constant fighting. It stresses your relationship even further and resolves absolutely nothing. Inform her calmly that you are ready to talk when she has calmed herself down.

Find fun, suitable activities that she can enjoy, either with you, alone or with girlfriends. Depriving her of a life will help you not at all.

Finally, spend time with her. She may be angry, but she needs to know you love her no matter what. This may take some patience on your part, but it will pay off.