Sheer Shyness

Dear Claire,

I am having trouble finding or even dating a guy.  People say that I'm beautiful and should be able to get any guy that I want.  I guess that I am pretty, but I'm also very self-conscious.

I become very shy around guys and never allow myself to become close to a man.  My friends think I should get more confidence, but I think that if I do, guys will consider me to be "stuck up." 

I'm thinking about becoming more confident and I also want guys to know that I'm easy to get along with and self-assured.  Am I taking the right path?

Lonely

Dear Lonely,

Do yourself a favor and stop looking at every cute guy as boyfriend material. It only makes you feel self-conscious and insecure.

If you want people to know you for who you are, give them a chance to do so: treat everyone in a friendly, relaxed, open and courteous manner. Forge bonds of friendship without any ulterior motive, be yourself and stop worrying about what everyone is thinking.

Surround yourself with friends, guys and girls, cute and un-cute; enjoy the richness of life and love will happen when it happens.

Mommies are People Too

Dear Claire,

I'm a divorced mom with two kids.  Both children are getting older, but are still against me dating other guys.  I really am over my ex-husband and want to start looking around again.

I love my children very much and definitely don't want to hurt them.  I know they have had some tough times with my divorce, but I really want to date someone because I'm getting very lonely.

Should I put myself first in this situation or wait until my kids get out of the house to start dating?

Unsatisfied

Dear Unsatisfied

By all means, get out there and date.

Being a mother is wonderful, but you are more than a mommy and you do need to make room for yourself in your own life.

One of my favorite principles is “balance”. When you fail to achieve balance between yourself, your kids, your job, your parents, the rest of the world, whatever…life always backfires.

I firmly believe that Unbalance is the evil fairy that delivers burn-outs.

Enjoy yourself, don’t introduce any guy to the kids until you feel he deserves it and stand for your right to be an adult: caring for yourself does not mean caring for them any less.