Stale Marriage
Dear
Claire,
I am
a 57 year-old woman who is ready to pull the plug on my marriage of
33 years. My husband opposes this, and says I'm going through some
“menopausal” thing. This is partly true, however we have never been
great communicators, unless you consider “screaming, cussing and
name calling” communicating!
We
seldom have sex… my fault!! I seem to have lost that desire a long
time ago, although I “think” about it, but just don't act on it.
The times we have tried to engage, one or both give up mid-stream.
HE either gets a cramp somewhere, or my mind starts to wonder about
other things... like what to make for dinner.
Oh,
and did I mention his 95 year-old mother resides with us?
I
know I've added some humor to this, but all kidding aside, this
marriage “sucks” (word I picked up from 14 year-old granddaughter).
We have 8 grandchildren whom we both love ranging in ages from age 4
to 14. I have found myself to be a constant babysitter because,
according to our kids, Nana & Papa don't have a life!!
Anyway, if you find my complaints worthy of responding to, I would
appreciate your thoughts.
Lost in a
Stale Marriage
Dear Lost,
Girlfriend, you gotta straighten up that life. But let’s go one
step at the time.
Step
one: You. Do I detect a hint here that you really feel that
you don’t have a life, as your kids seem to think? “Having a life”
means different things for different people. At age 57, should you
be looking to find yourself? You betcha. Search your soul and see
what pebbles you find on that beach. After raising your family, the
time for YOU has come, and it’s your job to figure out what life you
need to get.
Step
two: Hubby. From your description, it seems that your
marriage does indeed suck. But before you run to the divorce
lawyer, you got to do your homework. Look at this guy who has
raised kids and made a life by your side. Who is he? When was the
last time you felt like soul mates? What is it about him that you
used to love? Get the two of you to a marriage counselor as soon as
possible. If he won’t go, then go by yourself. Even if the
marriage does fail in the end, you will have a clean conscience
knowing you did your best to salvage the relationship. Oh, about
the sex part: Be creative, patient (and kinky, if you feel like it)
and keep trying. Sex is essential for the good health of a
marriage.
Step
three: Granny. Does your husband have any siblings to take
turns caring for Mom? If he doesn’t, arrange for her to spend a
couple days a month at a senior care center, so that you and your
husband can have some time alone. Could any of your kids entertain
Granny for the weekend? This may do you guys a world of good.
Step
four: The Kids. For crying out loud, tell them you are busy
and unable to baby sit. They’ll survive the shock, don’t worry.
Hope
this helps, dear.
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