Tea and Sympathy

Dear Claire,

My daughter (21) is seeing a guy (24) who was very nasty to her in the past.  He’s insulted her, cussed her out, and even threatened to hit her at a club one night.  At the time, even her friends said he was no good.

Now he’s come back into the picture, and she wants my husband and I to accept him because "she loves him."

My daughter has not always had good judgment about her friends.  With this guy, we do not even want him in our home.  Where do we draw the line?

Already, she has stopped coming home most nights.  I have had many talks with her, but she claims she is doing nothing wrong.

Sad and at Wits End

Dear Sad,

Just reading about the way this creep is treating your daughter makes me cringe.  I can only image what you must be feeling like.  The problem is that the more you rage against him, the more alienated from you she’ll become and the closer and tighter they’ll be.

You don’t have to extend the red carpet to this nasty little punk, but do all you can not to alienate your daughter.  She must feel that she has a safe place to come to when things go sour, loving open arms and a shoulder to cry on.  Let her make her own mistakes and be there to help her pick up the pieces.  What else are we parents put in this Earth for?

I've Got You Under My Skin

Dear Claire,

I have a good friend who has severe psoriasis on her face and scalp.  I feel so sorry for her as she cannot seem to get it cleared up.

However, when she comes to visit, she picks at her scalp constantly and peels little pieces of skin off her head, which she then lets drop on my furniture or carpet.  I sit in shock as I watch all this dead skin falling on my couch.  I try to keep a very clean house and I have to vacuum the couch after she leaves.  Is there any polite way to ask that she not do that?

Flaked Out in Lowell

Dear Flaked Out,

Ooooohhh, gross!

I bet she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.  Even if you were to come straight out and ask her not to shed on your stuff, she may still keep at it.

You could try and ask her to quit it already.  She may not take this well, though, as the embarrassment factor may be too great.

You could avoid asking her to your place and rather meet at other venues… although the thought of a lunch in a restaurant under these conditions does seem less than appetizing.

You could stare at her as she peels herself, following the falling skin with your eyes, resting them for a moment on the spot where it (they) lay.  She may get the drift.

You could ask her if she could please just peel it all at once into a woman-shaped skin, sit it next to her on the loveseat and take it home later.

You could accept this the same way you would accept other friends’ shortcomings, as they probably accept yours… taking in consideration that if this is the price of a good friendship, the so be it.

I’m sure you have considered these options already (well, maybe not the woman-shaped skin sitting on your couch).  And of all of them, I would pick the last one if you value the friendship.

02-050712-595