Pre Grand-Opening
Dear Claire,
My husband and I recently left our families
and relocated to Florida. We are having our
first baby and one of our neighbors offered to
organize a baby shower. She would have liked to
have it at her home... but she is dealing with
repairs from last year’s hurricanes. She
decided to throw the shower at a local favorite
restaurant. She is very generous and is willing
to provide a cake, decorations and prizes… but
cannot afford to pay for everyone's meal.
How can she word the shower invitation to
indicate that each person will be responsible
for paying for his own meal?
Fat and Happy Julie
If the party is for a small group of close
friends, she could talk to each one
individually. However, if it’s not that, my
feeling is that guests should never be asked to
pay for their own food. Either you can afford a
party or you can’t.
Here are some suggestions:
She could find someone else who could volunteer
their home for the gathering (or do it at your
place), and she could serve tea and coffee along
with appetizers and the cake. Forgo silly paper
decorations, get a couple of flowering plants in
pots at the local nursery or hardware store, and
set the table.
She could propose a potluck. I favor this less,
as people will be already bringing a gift and
it’s not fair to demand food as well. Again, if
the group is intimate enough, it could work.
She could do it at your place.
There is stuff your hostess can do without going
bankrupt and still have a memorable party. And
what a lovely gesture on her part!
Sharing the Bounty
Dear Claire,
What do you do when the only two people in
the world who understood you, deceive you?
I went out with "Daniel," and we started
developing feelings for each other beyond
friendship. But because of skeletons in his
closet, I choose not to take the next step.
The only person that I was able to talk to
was “Tim.” But I just found out that “Tim” and
“Daniel” are now going together.
I want so badly to be happy for them, but I
can’t help but feel like they intentionally
tried to hurt me. If they see how deeply my
pain runs I know they would stop seeing each
other. But I don’t want to do that.
Pained and Shamed in Miami
Dear Pained,
The feelings you had for Daniel were not enough
to get you to accept certain parts of his past.
You had your chance to do that. It doesn’t put
him off-limits to everyone else.
It is distressing that he had to pick a friend
of yours, especially one to whom you had made
confidences about the relationship, but I don’t
think that they set out to deliberately hurt
you.
Continue going out and seeing other people, and
don’t see Tim and Danny as often. Don’t cut
them off, just concentrate on yourself a bit,
and the pain will ease in time.
Regarding breaking up their relationship, it’s
not worth it. This relationship is so new that
you can’t even tell if it’s the real thing or a
fling that will end on its own in the near
future.
02-050809-551
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